


dive into the sun with your eyes closed

by breakatake



Category: Hamilton - Miranda, Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: A lot of them - Freeform, Alternate Universe - Teachers, Angst, Breaking Up and Getting Back Together, COREY I HAD A VISION, Flashbacks, Fluff, Getting Back Together, High School AU, M/M, Moving In Together, Musical References, Newsies References, Of course there’s angst, Roommates, Slow Burn, Teachers AU, This Is Sad, Thomas is a dick, alex calls john jack and jackie, alex is sad, alexander is in love w jeremy jordan, and they were ROOMMATES, and to falsettos, bc im OBSESSED, break ups, falling back in love, high school teachers - au, honestly, im in a production rn soz, im playing crutchie, im sorry ahem, kind of, ohmygod they were roommates, slowburn, small references to heathers, so am I, thats so raven was the shit, thats the tea, thomas is even more sad, vague soulmates au, would it be a breakatake story without angst?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-21
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2019-11-26 11:00:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 17,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18179729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breakatake/pseuds/breakatake
Summary: alexander is convinced that he’s over thomas.he’s over the person who made him who he was,who helped him when nobody else didwho inspired him,supported him,loved him,changed him for the better.he was totally convinced.“totally.”he knew thomas was his soulmate.because with your soulmate, you could dive into the sun with your eyes closed and still trust them to catch you.wouldn’t they always catch you?that simply wasn’t the case. soulmates didn’t always stay forever.how was he supposed to react when the man who broke his heart waltzes into the social studies department claiming he was his new assistant teacher for his co-ed class?





	1. unexpected

**Author's Note:**

> NEW FUCKING STORY!!!!! THE TITLE SOUNDS SO PRETTY LMAO ALSO IM SO EXHAUSTED BUT BE PREPARED FOR ANGST AND TEARS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexander Hamilton, a 27 year old United States history teacher is assigned a new assistant teacher for his classes and it just so happens to be.. his ex boyfriend?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the flashbacks are gonna be really obvious , there’s a lot of flashbacks in this

Alexander sat in the social studies office, listening to the other teachers in the office gossip and speak about lesson plans. He tapped his pen against the table, checking the time every few minutes. He was stressed, feeling anxious today. Maybe it was from the amount of coffee he consumed, he wasn’t sure. His blood was probably 90% coffee now, anyways. Alexander awaited his boss, George Washington, who had informed him that he would be having a new assistant teacher for his 11th grade co-education United States history courses that he taught alongside his ninth and tenth grade global history classes. 

“Alex?” Alexander’s head perked up at the sound of his name, looking up from the paper he was  _supposed_ to be heading. His expressionless face morphed into one of relief as he saw his best friends, John Laurens and Elizabeth Schuyler walk into the room. 

John Laurens was a 27 year old art teacher. He had curly hair and freckles that covered every inch of his body, even his chest and his legs. Alexander sometimes counted them when he was bored, he found them so pretty, almost like constellations. He and Alexander had been best friends since they were freshmen in high school, along with John’s boyfriends Hercules and Lafayette. 

Elizabeth Schuyler just so happened to be the youngest assistant principal of the English department in the history of their school, only being about 23 years old. Her and Alexander met when she first came into the school, and naturally became friends since her sisters were a part of Alexander’s friend group.

Eliza approached Alexander and gave him a hug around the shoulders. Alexander felt his body relax and he put her hands on her arms and rubbed them affectionately. “Why do you feel so tense? What’s wrong? Which one of your students pissed you off  _this time?_ ” Eliza laughed and pulled out the chair next to him, planting herself in the seat. John walked over and sat in the seat opposite Eliza. Alexander barked a laugh and rolled his eyes. He was always complaining about his freshman class because they were all extremely rude. Whoever said freshmen were angels  _lied._ Of course they thought he was complaining about a student.

”No one, Eliza.” Alexander put his pen down and he rubbed his eyes then ran his hand through his hair, fiddling on his wrist for a tie. “Washington just,” he sighed and tied his hair in a bun. “Washington said that he’s assigning me a new assistant teacher, and I want to meet them, like  _now.”_ Alexander laughed and shook his head. “I’m quite the personality, I don’t know if they’ll be able to handle me.” he shrugged and John rolled his eyes playfully.

The three of them made conversation, joking around and insulting each other as normal, giggling a bit too loud. Just then, Washington interrupted.

”Alexander.” Washington cleared his throat and Alexander looked up and saw Washington, along with somebody behind him. Alexander got up and he nodded at John and Eliza, who excused themselves. Alexander walked over to Washington and shook his hand.

”Good morning, sir.” he greeted and Washington gave him a polite smile.

Washington stepped aside to reveal the person standing behind him, who Alexander assumed was his assistant teacher. However, when Alexander really took a look at him, his heart stopped.

 _It can’t be._ He thought.

* * *

“No, you’re lying, it can’t be.” Alexander squealed, violently tapping John’s arm and smiling. “ _Thomas Jefferson? The_ Thomas Jefferson? Like, the Thomas Jefferson who’s like a famous violin player and the entire fucking school knows him?! He’s in this lecture?!” Alexander’s voice raised in excitement and John clapped his hand over Alexander’s mouth.

John groaned in irritation and rolled his eyes at his best friend. “Yes, you stupid bitch. Now, be quiet.” John huffed out a breath and adjusted himself in his seat so he could cross his legs. Alexander giggled and bounced his legs, now feeling excitement in his stomach because he would get to meet the guy that his music professor wouldn’t shut up about.

Almost on cue, a man with a curly afro of hair and perfectly groomed facial hair waltzed into the classroom. Alexander’s cheeks flushed red and he bit his lips, his eyes dragging up and down the person’s figure. He didn’t know _who_ this person was, but they were attractive as hell.

”J-Jack..” Alexander shook John’s arm gently and John hummed a soft ‘what’ in response. “Look, he’s.. he’s dreamy..” Alexander trailed off, watching the stranger walk, watching the way his curls bounced and he heard his adorable chuckle when he spoke to one of his friends in the class. Alexander’s cheeks turned an even deeper shade of pink and he gripped onto John’s arm. John’s lips curled up into a smirk and he leaned closer to Alexander so that they could whisper to each other.

“Alexander, meet Thomas Jefferson.” 

* * *

Alexander snapped back into reality as he heard Washington speak those four words. He felt his heart begin to race with anxiety and he gulped as he reached forward to shake Jefferson’s hand shakily. 

“H-hi, Alexander H-Hamilton..” he trailed off, stuttering. He tried not to let his hand linger, but he found it hard since Jefferson’s hands were just as soft as he remembered. He was used to daydreaming about holding his hand again, having his hand roam his body, making him feel ways that nobody else could.

Jefferson gave him a kind smile and nodded at him, and Alexander noticed that he had no reaction, nor did he have any sort of expression. He knew Thomas, knew his reactions to things. He knew that Thomas was hiding something, hiding his expressions.

But his hands were just as soft.

But, how? Alexander didn’t understand how this was even possible. His ex boyfriend, who he hadn’t seen in 4 years, sudddnly showed up out of nowhere and is now going to teach with him?

He needed to find John again.

* * *

“Jack!” Alexander yelled as he opened the door to Hercules, Lafayette, and John’s shared apartment. He let out a frustrated groan and he plopped himself on the couch after he took off his shoes. His heart had been wrenching all day long, and all day all he could think about was the breakup four years ago and how he still wasn’t over it.

He should be over it, four years is a long time and four years should be enough time to get over somebody. Alexander didn’t understand why he wasn’t done with his feelings, why his feelings still haunted him. He couldn’t quite comprehend the feeling, but his chest was hurting, literally. 

Jefferson was his soulmate, and there was absolutely no denying that. He never loved anybody as much as he loved Jefferson. He came into his life at such a difficult time, and he was going through so much. Alexander was struggling with depression, an eating disorder, and on top of that, his ADHD was always all over the place and he was so scatterbrained that he would forget his medication for everything half the time, or he wouldn’t be able to take it because he didn’t eat.

He hated himself, he hated himself so much. But Jefferson? He loved Jefferson so much that he forgot what hating himself felt like. Jefferson taught him how to love himself, he taught him self appreciation and made him feel like the god damn sun 24/7. He treasured him.

Until he left, he slowly slipped away.

Alexander was never able to let that go.

”Alex, baby.” John sighed as he sat next to Alexander on the couch and rubbed his back. Alexander shuffled closer and plopped himself on John’s lap, letting a tear slip from his eye.

”Why can’t I just get over him? It’s been so long, I want it to be over..” Alexander spoke softly. “Now,” he swallowed and he clenched his fists so hard that there were crescent moon cuts in his palms. “Now he’s here and it’s going to be even  _harder.”_

“I’m a god damn fucking adult, why am I being a pining teenager!?” Alexander snapped and he sat up. “I’m fucking tired of it, I’m so ready to just go fuck somebody else to get over him, but I can’t because I feel guilty that I still love him!” he ranted and John just nodded and rubbed his back, telling him to let everything out.

”Maybe you should go date that Maria chick who always seems to be our barista when we go to starbucks.” John joked and Alexander gave him a serious look, but then pinched his nipple, earning a squeak and a laugh. “Everything’s gonna be okay, let the universe take over.” John smiled and Alexander sniffles and furrowed his eyebrows, picking up his head.

”Did you just quote how I met your mother?” Alexander laughed and wiped his eyes.

He could always count on John to cheer him up. 

He should just wait, let things resolve themself.

The universe could deal with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaand that’s chapter one! leave feedback!! lmk how u feel


	2. planning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexander is still shocked that Thomas is his new assistant teacher. He cries a bit to Aaron. Him and Thomas start their new lesson plan and they bicker a lot because Alexander is salty. Thomas is a confusing shit. Thomas brings up their relationship LOL. Alexander is informed about something that makes him stress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m listening to the 1975

Since that day, the rest of the week dragged on. Thomas had to sit in the class and kind of just understand how Alexander ran his class. Alexander was really close with his students, he was their best friend and their teacher at the same time. It wasn’t rare that his students told him their problems or sat with him in the social studies office during lunch or joked with him during class. Thomas had to get into the swing of things and try to get used to Alexander being a jokester of a teacher. Thomas was a bit judgemental towards Alexander’s teaching style, but Alexander shut him down quickly by telling him that he was there first, and his students are performing stupendously. Alexander began to grow irritated at the mere sight of Thomas every single day, and his irritation made his day longer. Alongside the irritation was the sadness and longing of the relationship that once existed between the two. Now, Thomas seemed as if he was a stranger and Alexander had to go along with it 

Friday finally arrived, and Alexander couldn’t have been happier. He didn’t have to see Thomas’ face anymore, didn’t have to deal with him and his stupid pretending anymore. Alexander decided that he would invite his friend Aaron over just to watch some movies and talk because they hadn’t seen each other in awhile due to their busy schedules. Aaron had just began planning his wedding, so he wasn’t free most of the time. They planned for Aaron to pick up Alexander and they’d go and grab dinner and then go to Alexander’s place.

Alexander rubbed his temples as he sat at the table in the social studies department. He shut his eyes and put his head down, he was already packed up so he didn’t have to worry about that. He was slowly drifting asleep with his thoughts in the back of his head, until a deep voice came from behind him and interrupted his thoughts. 

“You okay, Hamilton?” Alexander’s head shot up from the table and he looked around, recognizing the voice but not being able to place it due to his groggy state. His eyes fell on none other than Thomas Jefferson, who stood with one arm on the table as he leaned on it. Internally, his heart wrenched at the sight, remembering the times he would be so overworked and Thomas would just take care of him and distract him, just make him feel better.

The  _tenderness._ The  _sound._

The words, they rang in his head.

_You okay?_

* * *

“Hey baby, are you okay?” Thomas walked up behind Alexander, who was sitting at the desk in their living room, typing god knows what. Alexander felt strong arms around his shoulders and a chin on top of his head. Alexander’s heart fluttered and he turned his head to look up at his boyfriend.

Alexander nodded and he kissed Thomas’ forearm and rubbed his nose against it lovingly. “Yeah, I’m okay.” he spoke in a hushed voice, under his breath almost. Thomas turned around the swivel chair that Alexander had been in for the past 8 hours, and he crouched down so that he was eye level with him. Thomas was gazing into his eyes with a worried, but equally as endearing look in his eyes. Alexander tiredly laughed, shook his head, then leaned forward to kiss his boyfriend on the lips.

”I’m okay, Thomas.” 

* * *

“Yeah, I’m okay Jefferson.” Alexander grumbled, his voice raspy from the day, and partially from the lack of hydration. Jeez, how long did he go without drinking water? Alexander reached into his bag, feeling Jefferson’s eyes burning a hole into the back of his head. Just then, he felt his phone buzz in his back pocket and he pulled it out to reveal a call from his friend, Aaron. A smile grew on his face as he slid his finger across the screen to accept the call. “Hey,” he breathed out and paused for a few seconds to listen. “In the front, right? Yeah, okay, I’ll be there in a few.” Alexander hastily hung up his phone and shoved it back into his pocket.

Jefferson clicked his tongue and glanced up from his phone to look at Alexander. “I’m guessing you’re heading out?” He questioned, a disappointing tone was hid behind his voice. Alexander decided to shake it off. 

“Yeah.” Alexander replied as he hefted his bag onto his shoulders and turned on his heel to walk out. “My friend is picking me up.”

”Burr or Laurens, I assume.” Jefferson mumbled, almost so quietly that Alexander couldn’t hear him. Alexander furrowed his eyebrows and turned around in a split second, his mouth dropped slightly and his forehead scrunched up in question. 

“How do you-“

”I don’t forget things, Alexander.”

Alexander stood there with his mouth dropped as Jefferson grabbed his bag and walked out of the room.

Alexander waited until Jefferson was far enough down the hall, and he darted out of the room and rushed towards the front of the school, bidding a quick goodbye to the security guards. He speed walked towards Aaron’s car and opened the backseat seat, dropping his bag back there before getting into the passenger seat. 

What the hell was that? What game did Jefferson think he was playing at? Alexander was baffled at the thought that Jefferson thought he could just waltz into the department, act like he didn’t know Alexander in front of his boss and his two best friends, and then suddenly be a know-it-all? 

“You’ll never guess-“

”Jefferson, I presume,” Aaron paused with a laugh before pulling out of his parking spot. “has yet again, done something to criticize you?” He questioned, glancing over at his friend with a smile. Alexander glared at him and crossed his arms, slumping in his seat.

”If he thinks he can just bring his insufferable fucking self into  _my_ happy place and act like I was  _nothing_ to him and then all of a sudden, pretend to know my whole fucking life, he is  _wrong.“_ Alexander snarled, dogging his fingers into his arms. “He fucking pretended he didn’t know me in front of Washington, Jackie, and Liza.” Alexander’s voice reached a higher pitch with anger and he looked at Aaron with his eyebrows furrowed. “He’s such a dick, god.” Alexander flopped back into the seat and huffed. “He acts like a stranger when it’s convenient for him, then, as if to fucking mock me, he brings up shit that he found out when we were together.”

And that was true, because Jefferson had brought up Alexander’s love for mint chocolate coffee creamer, which he had only discovered while he and Jefferson were together. He brought up Alexander’s volleyball skills in front of the class during a conversation (which was a digression from the lesson), he brought up how Alexander almost got carpal tunnel syndrome. The students were all shocked at how much Jefferson seemed to know about Alexander, and Alexander felt his heart crack a bit more every single time. 

Jefferson was always one to remember the little things. Little moles, sweet spots, favorite ice cream flavors, favorite quotes. Alexander just assumed since he and Jefferson broke up so long ago, that the memories would leave too. The fact that Jefferson still remembered, it just bothered him.

”Alexander,” Aaron’s voice interrupted his thoughts, and Alexander turned his head to look at him. He hummed in response, not even wanting to say anything.

”Do you still love him?”

Alexander rolled his eyes at Aaron for asking such an obvious question. 

“I wish I knew how to stop.”

* * *

“Jefferson, I swear to god,” Alexander grumbled. He rubbed his temples, resting his elbows on his kitchen table. He had FaceTimed Jefferson so that they could write up lesson plans for the next few weeks, and Jefferson was being difficult as hell. Alexander’s patience was starting to get thinner and thinner. “Just fucking decide on an activity, it is not that hard.” Alexander rubbed his eyes underneath his glasses and huffed out a breath. “Christ, you’re so indecisive, it’s unreal.” Alexander muttered under his breath. He should be used to this, Jefferson was always this indecisive. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, Mr.  _I like to plan my lessons three months in advance._ ” Jefferson scoffed. “You are so extra! Who plans lessons three months in advance?! You have forever to do these fucking lessons, Jeez! Take a break, Hamilton.” Jefferson rubbed his temples and Alexander rolled his eyes in annoyance. “You’re gonna overwork yourself and end up in the hospital.  _Again.”_

Alexander’s eyes narrowed at that statement. His nostrils flared and he bit down on his lip to refrain from yelling.

* * *

”Alex, stay awake.” John begged as they sat in the backseat of Angelica’s car. Angelica was rushing through ted lights and speeding on the high way, trying to get Alexander to the hospital. Thomas was running his hands through Alexander’s hair, trying to grasp onto something and trying to keep him alive.

”Baby, please.” Thomas begged, his heart wrenching. Alexander’s pulse was so faint, but he was still awake. He could vaguely register Thomas touching his hair and John holding his hand.

Alexander tried to speak, but nothing came out.

His eyes shut. Everything went black.

* * *

That was the last thing he could remember. 

“How in the hell do you remember that?” Alexander breathed out, exasperated.

Thomas shrugged in response, giving Alexander a weak smile. “We were together for a really long time, Alexander.” He plainly responded, blinking at the camera. “One does not just forget about a serious relationship, especially when it’s their first.”

 _Wow._ Alexander thought.  _Rip my heart out why don’t you?_

Alexander took in a shaky breath. All of a sudden, he felt like crying. It felt like there was something blocking up his breathing. He shut his eyes tightly and clenched his fists. “I don’t know what you’re playing at, but you better fucking stop.” Alexander growled. “Finish the lesson plans. Goodnight, Jefferson.” Alexander clicked end on the FaceTime call and he immediately let out a sob. 

Of course Jefferson had to fuck up his already horrible mood. Of  _course_ Jefferson had to hurt his feelings constantly.

He hoped this would be over soon.

The following Monday, Alexander and Thomas were actually teaching the class  _together._

Alexander thought they would get through that without bickering. 

Key word: thought.

”Mr. Hamilton, why would he just take advantage of the supreme court like that, though? That makes no sense.” Alexander turned towards his student, Mary, who asked the question. She had a genuinely confused look on her face, and Alexander went to answer but Jefferson cut him off. 

Alexander turned slowly, his fists clenched and his lip between his teeth to keep from yelling. Jefferson was completely explaining this incorrectly, and Alexander was about to backhand him across the face.

”Mr. Jefferson,” Alexander breathed out harshly and he gave him a tight lipped smile. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but-“

”Don’t-“

”You’re explaining this completely wrong.” Alexander rubbed his temples in annoyance, and obviously Jefferson shot back with something that made him more angry.

Why did he feel the need to do this? Piss him off until he was about to actually burst? Alexander felt like all of the love he once felt completely left the room when he met this “new Thomas”. He was such an arrogant prick, even more so than when they were together. 

Alexander took a deep breath and opened his eyes. “I’m going to the bathroom. I will be back.” Alexander explained to the class and grabbed his phone, slowly walking out of the room.

He took a few deep breaths, walking down the hall as he tried to calm himself down from the irritation. Just then, he bumped right into Lafayette, his close friend who was also a French teacher, and one of John’s boyfriends.

”Petit lion.” Lafayette greeted and Alexander gave him a smile in response. He knew that Lafayette could tell how he was feeling just by looking at him, so he just wrapped an arm around Alexander’s shoulders. “I am greatly sorry about Jefferson, Alexander.” He laughed awkwardly and walked them both into the teachers’ bathrooms. “You are just going to have to deal with it for now, okay?” Lafayette sounded calm, he was always the most comforting person Alexander knew.

”I just,” Alexander swallowed and he stood against the wall, facing Lafayette. He took a deep breath, racking his brain for words to explain his frustration. “You were there when I was going through the breakup, I thought I could finally forget and now  _he’s back.”_ Alexander fake cried and he face palmed himself. “It’s like fucking Voldemort coming back in the Chamber of Secrets. I’m Harry, trying to get rid of the asshole but he keeps coming the fuck back. Like leave, nobody asked for you to be here. Bye.” Alexander ranged and he crossed his arms tightly, staring up at Lafayette, who seemed as if he wasn’t holding in a laugh. Alexander glared at him, this wasn’t a laughing matter!

”Gilbert!” Alexander exclaimed, rolling his eyes at his friend. Lafayette was still giggling and Alexander was staring at him with a look that just showed how done he was. “Gilbert, I want to get over him! Why is that so hard?!” he whined and he pushed himself against Lafayette’s chest, shutting his eyes. “I just want it to be over.” he whispered softly, finally feeling like his emotions were taking over and he wouldn’t be able to be happy for the rest of the day. Lafayette smoothed his hand down Alexander’s back in a calming way and Alexander felt his eyes shut as he relaxed into his friend’s chest. 

“It’ll be over soon.” Lafayette reassured and Alexander nodded, not feeling alive enough to even argue back with him. He would take anything at this point.

Just then, Alexander’s phone began to ring. Alexander furrowed his eyebrows, because all of his friends who talked to him on a normal basis didn’t call him when they knew he was teaching a class. They all knew his schedule. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, furrowing his eyebrows even further when he saw that it was the landlord of his apartment.

”H-hello, Mr. Adams.” Alexander greeted when he picked up the phone. Alexander’s heart began to speed up faster when he listened to the man’s voice on the other line telling him that he was being kicked out of his apartment for being late on rent too many times. Alexander swallowed and tried to argue. “I-I did pay, though!” His landlord argued back by telling him that he was too late every time and that it wasn’t good regardless. He needed to be out by the end of the week. 

Alexander just agreed and slowly pulled the phone away from his ear and hung up. He slowly lifted his head and looked up at Lafayette.

”I-I’m being evicted..”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol i’m learning about fdr and the new deal and all that shit in ush (i’m a junior)


	3. story of another us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas offers Alexander to move in with him.  
> *thomas’ pov*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey i’m sad all of a sudden how r u

Thomas didn’t expect to land a teaching job at the best school in the borough, nor did he plan to see his long term ex boyfriend, nor did he plan to be his ex’s assistant teacher. 

He didn’t plan to be an asshole to him and randomly bring up old things that nobody would ever think of. He didn’t plan to see Alexander and suddenly miss him. He hadn’t thought about him in an entire three years, since it took him a little while to get over Alexander.

He didn’t plan on suddenly wanting Alexander to argue with him just as they used to, and he  _surely_ didn’t plan the feeling of wanting to kiss him.

But this? He wanted to actually fight himself for this stupid, impulsive decision.

”Yes, Aaron, I’m leaving this afternoon - what? No! I don’t have a place to stay - no I’m not staying with you, I don’t want to bother Theo, I might ask Liza but I don’t want to intrude on her and Maria.” Alexander carried on his phone conversation as he walked into the social studies department. Thomas noticed how distraught face and how his hands were flailing, and he recalled Alexander's mannerisms when he was stressed.

_Hair pulling, hand flailing, babbling, shaking or crying, yelling, a lot of irritation._

Alexander took a seat and he groaned and rubbed his temple. “I don’t know. I need somewhere to stay for the next month and a half or so, so that I can find somewhere to live.” 

Thomas’ ears perked up at this and he leaned his chin in his palm, leaning a bit towards Alexander so that he could hear what he was saying. Thomas thought, he surely  _did_ feel bad for Alexander. He knew that he came up from practically nothing and he was  _extremely_ poor when he landed his first job. Thomas often helped him economically, and Alexander hated it because he didn’t like feeling helpless. He knew that Alexander had trouble paying rent on time, and such. He could offer him a place to stay..

But  _no._ That would be a  _horrible_ idea. Thomas was already feeling this dull ache in his chest every time he saw Alexander and he had a sense of longing and he couldn’t put his finger on what it was. He didn’t want that to increase, not at all. Falling for the ex who’s heart you broke? That’s a horrible idea. 

So obviously, Thomas decided to do it anyways.

”Yeah, okay. I’ll talk to you later, I love you too.” Alexander said quietly into the phone and then clicked the end button, laying his phone face down on the table. 

Thomas shifted his body so that he was facing Alexander and he clasped his hands together. “So.” He cleared his throat and Alexander looked up at him, a sullen expression across his face. Thomas felt a weird pang in his chest, the familiar expression made him feel this kind of guilt that he couldn’t explain. 

“So?” Alexander questioned, sounding tired and anxious. Thomas sighed and crossed his arms, having a mental debate on asking Alexander or not. 

Thomas coughed awkwardly, then scratched the back of his head. He gave Alexander an awkward smile then began to speak. “I, um,” he chuckled. “I have an extra room.. and I heard that you’re looking for one..” Thomas trailed off and Alexander cocked and eyebrow at him.

”Are you offering for me to move in?”

* * *

Alexander grinned up at his boyfriend slightly bouncing on his feet. Thomas chuckled softly at the petulant excitement that Alexander possessed. He put his hands on Alexander’s shoulders to stop him from jumping and he nodded with a sweet smile spread across his face. 

“Yes, baby, I’m asking you to move in with me.” Thomas breathed out and he took Alexander’s hands in his own. Thomas looked down at the beautiful boy standing before him, before leaning down and kissing his head. “What do you say?”

Alexander swayed towards him and pressed himself against Thomas’ body.

“Of course, Thomas.”

* * *

Thomas gulped and shrugged. “I-I guess, you need somewhere to stay and I’ve got a place. What do you say?” He internally cringed at the memory of him asking Alexander that so long ago, and the happiness on the boy’s face. He remembered how happy Alexander was, maybe he could make him feel that again.

 _No, stop it, Thomas._ He thought to himself. He tried to make himself stop thinking that way, he has to stop thinking that way. It’s only been a week and he was already feeling like this.

There was a reason he moved to Virginia for a year after he and Alexander split.

He didn’t want this happening.

Thomas snapped back into reality and he looked at Alexander, who seemed as if he was debating on actually doing it.

Alexander took a deep breath and he awkwardly laughed and shrugged. “Yeah, yeah I guess.” he stuttered. “Would it be too much if I came today? I sort of,” he cleared his throat. “I was kind of kicked out already so I had to speedy gonzales pack everything in my car and dip.” he grumbled under his breath, crossing his arms. “Adams was never a great landlord.” he explained, seemingly anxious. Thomas could tell. He offered Alexander a smile, trying to ease his mind a bit. Alexander just nodded at him.

”You can follow me in your car back to my place today, sound good?” he questioned and Alexander agreed. 

What was he getting himself into? Thomas didn’t know if this was a good idea, but he’d also feel like an asshole if he didn’t.

 _Alexander already thinks you’re an asshole._ Thomas thought, then mentally glared at himself for the harsh reminder that Alexander still hated him.

Why did it matter, though? It was three years ago, and Thomas was totally over him.

* * *

“Alexander, hurry up.” Thomas grumbled as Alexander scrambled to get his things together after their last class. Thomas had a massive headache and he was  _starving,_ but of course Alexander had to take forever to get dressed and leave. 

Alexander rolled his eyes at Thomas and mumbled something under his breath before hefting his bag onto his shoulder. Thomas let out an exasperated sigh and he lead Alexander out of the classroom. The pair made their way to the teachers’ parking lot, both of them getting into their respective cars. Thomas sighed in relief at the sudden quiet that filled the car. 

Thomas drove silently, not even turning on the radio or humming to any tune. He felt like he needed to think, felt like he needed to stay silent and not have his mind crowded with anything else. 

Why did the universe decide to drop this on him now? Why now, of all times? Why not before, when he was struggling to get over Alexander. Why did it have to be when he was over him, but he could clearly tell Alexander wasn’t.

Thomas knew that Alexander thought he was being slick. Alexander  _always_ thought that he was being slick. Thomas could see right through him, though. The little glances, small smiles, even the cock of an eyebrow. Everything was just as it used to be, Alexander’s endearing mannerisms were just the same as they were when they were dating. Thomas knee that Alexander tried to do it subtly, but it wasn’t subtle at all. And frankly, Thomas didn’t mind it as much as he thought. He recalled telling James that if Alexander tried anything, he’d transfer jobs. But, he found himself strangely liking the feeling of Alexander pining over him all over again. He couldn’t tell if it was because he had feelings for him still, or if he was just cocky.

He went with the second choice. 

* * *

“Hamilton, why do you own so many hoodies?” Thomas muttered under his breath when they got into the elevator of the apartment building, glancing over to Alexander who had bags in his arms. Thomas was holding some too. His eyes caught on a particular garment, one that he never got back: his old college basketball hoodie. A small smile formed on his lips, but he bit it back and kept the glare on his eyes. A fuzzy feeling grew in his chest as he remembered the way Alexander would walk around with the hoodie on, and usually just boxer briefs underneath and drink his coffee and the hoodie would be a dress on him. 

He kind of missed that.

Thomas mentally slapped himself for thinking that way, then cocked his eyebrow at Alexander waiting for a response. 

“I’m tiny, and they’re comfortable. Got a problem?” Alexander bit back and Thomas smirked.

”Chill, short stack.” Thomas rolled his eyes. “Nobody insulted you.” he chuckled deeply and Thomas  _swore_ he could see a blush on Alexander’s face.

”Fuck off.” Alexander grumbled as they walked towards Thomas’ apartment. Thomas unlocked the door and let him in, and almost instantly Thomas’ dog ran towards the pair, barking and jumping up on Alexander’s legs. Alexander immediately dropped his bags and squealed, falling to his knees and petting and kissing Thomas’ dog. “You didn’t tell me that you have a dog!” Alexander squealed, legging the dog lick his nose and he giggled wildly. Thomas watched in amusement as Alexander moved from sitting to laying down on his back and letting the dog snuggle against his chest. Thomas’ eyes softened and his lips curled into a smile. 

“Her name’s Annie.” he spoke quietly and tugged off his shoes, walking into the apartment and walking to the guest room, putting Alexander’s bags in the room. He took a deep breath, trying to get the image of Alexander snuggling with his dog out of his head. He remembered how badly Alexander wanted a dog, he thought back to how much Alexander would whine about them getting a puppy, but they ended up breaking up not too long after that. His gut wrenched at the thought. Maybe this could make up for that.

”Thomas?” Alexander called, walking through the apartment, trying to find Thomas. Thomas turned his attention to the voice echoing through the halls. “Why the fuck is this apartment so god damn huge?” Alexander grumbled under his breath and Thomas let a chuckle rumble low in his chest. He missed this, Alexander. He missed his talking and his little comments and his love for dogs.

He wondered if he would actually enjoy this. Maybe it would be like the first time. But, in a friends way, obviously. 

* * *

Thomas was exhausted. Alexander was  _the worst_ person to move in with. Well, not to move in with, more like to help move in. Alexander was infuriating. He wanted things in certain places, he didn’t like his underwear and socks in the same drawer, didn’t like putting his long sleeved and short sleeved shirts in the same drawer. 

Thomas sighed and rubbed his temples, watching Alexander walk from the kitchen to the bathroom. “Alexander, princess-“ 

”You’re only calling me princess because I’m pissing you off!” Alexander called back in a sing song voice. Thomas felt a grin tug on his lips, despite the irritation he was feeling. That was true, the only time he called Alexander princess was when he was getting annoyed, if he was feeling loving, or if he wanted to tease him.

”Yeah, whatever.” Thomas muttered. “Come here for a second? Stop putting things away and just come here.” Thomas sat down on the edge of their.

Woah.

_Their bed._

Alexander walked into the bedroom and Thomas was sitting with his arms open. He mouthed ‘come here’ and made grabby hands at his boyfriend. Alexander walked over and he sat down on Thomas’ lap, straddling him. “Hi.” Alexander whispered softly and Thomas grinned, holding Alexander by the hips.

”We’re moved in together,  _finally.”_ Thomas smiled at his boyfriend, leaning in to press a soft kiss on his lips. 

Alexander kissed back softly and he pulled back, wrapping his arms around his neck. “And now I’m gonna live here and piss you off everyday.” Alexander smirked and leaned back in for another sweet kiss.

Thomas felt a flutter in his chest and he tugged Alexander closer so that his chest was against his own. “I wouldn’t have it any other way, darling.” Thomas stayed and he pulled back from the kiss to gaze into Alexander’s eyes. His chest almost exploded in that moment from the sight of Alexander in front of him, a small smile on his lips and his eyes lidded with adoration. Thomas pulled Alexander into a deep kiss, holding his hips tightly with his hands and moving his lips slowly as he laid back on the bed.

* * *

Thomas sighed, watching Alexander shuffle back and forth between the kitchen and the bedroom, bringing things into the guest room. The memory of Alexander doing this exact same thing so long ago floated in his brain, slightly giving him a headache from trying to force it away. 

“Hamilton.” Thomas called, sitting down on the bed in the guest room. “Hamilton!” He called again, waiting for a response. He stared at the door, then noticed Alexander poking his head in the doorway.

”Yeah?” 

Thomas laughed softly and shook his head. 

“Take a break, dude.” He chuckled. “You’ve been packing stuff away for 2 hours, sit down.” he patted the bed next to him and gave him a small smile. “Let’s catch up.” 

Alexander raised an eyebrow and his jaw was slightly dropped. Thomas genuinely  _did_ want to talk. He wanted to hear how Alexander has been for the past few years, his adventures and such. 

He wanted to know. Wanted to listen. Maybe there could be another ending to the story, and maybe they could be friends.

He wanted to try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> awh ):


	4. rediscovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas and Alexander have a bonding moment.  
> Thomas rediscovers how irritating Alexander is, and he finds it oddly charming.  
> Alexander makes them breakfast.  
> This is oddly domestic.  
> Thomas notices that Alexander probably isn’t over him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have a headache

Alexander hopped on the bed beside Thomas, then shuffled up so that he was laying on the pillows. Thomas turned his head to the side, looking at Alexander as he got comfortable on the bed. A small smile spread on his lips, watching the man’s chest rise and fall. He looked nice like this - calm. More calm than he had been all week. It was weird, crazy almost. The last time he had seen Alexander so calm was..

Before the breakup.

He sighed and sat on the bed next to him, trying to push the thought away. He missed calm Alexander, he missed his silence and the quiet laughs. Now, all he saw was Alexander chewing his lip when he was frustrated, tugging his hair when he didn’t know what else to hold. 

“Earth to Thomas?” Thomas blinked when he noticed a hand waving in front of his face. He turned his head a bit to look at Alexander and he offered a smile. 

“Sorry, zoned out.”

Alexander chuckled and flopped backwards. “Yeah, I’m used to that.” he stayed with a sigh. “You used to do that.” he said under his breath. Thomas froze for a second, going to speak. He stopped when Alexander spoke up again. “Anyways, catching up, huh?” he chuckled awkwardly and rested his hand on top of his own stomach. “When did you get into social studies? You were teaching music when we were..  _acquainted._ ” Alexander phrased awkwardly, and Thomas rolled his eyes in response. He seemed to be having a hard time verbalizing that they were together at a point. 

“Hamilton, we were together, you know you can say that,” Thomas paused for a second to turn and look at his face. “right?” he finished and he noticed Alexander shifted awkwardly onto his side to look back at Thomas.

”Right, sorry.” Alexander cleared his throat.

”I got into teaching history a few months after we broke up because of my love for it, I still love music, don’t get me wrong.” He smiled. “But teaching history is so much fun, I thought I’d give it a try.” he shrugged and Alexander nodded, looking almost as if he was figuring out how to reply. Thomas stared at him, he could almost see the gears in his brain turning.

”You still best friends with Aaron, right?” 

Alexander let out a soft laugh and he nodded. “I spend all of my time with him, John, the sisters, Gil, and Herc. Nothing’s changed at all.” he shrugged. Thomas smiled at that. Alexander was the same person he was when they broke up, and it made him happy to know that his ways didn’t change. He didn’t want him to change for the world. Alexander’s stubborn personality kept him grounded, because Thomas always made bad decisions.

_Clearly._

Alexander cleared his throat and he blinked a few times, looking as if he was debating to ask this question. “H-have you," he looked down and blinked a few times. Thomas was having trouble figuring out his expression. He looked nervous, yet hopeful. "Have you dated since.." he trailed off, then waved his hand as if to say 'you know'. Thomas furrowed his eyebrows, squinting up at the ceiling. He wasn't going to just  _lie_ , he had a few boyfriends and girlfriends here and there. But to be fair, they never lasted more than a month or so. James was always getting on his case about not being able to stay with people. Thomas found himself having horrible commitment issues after the breakup. He would get bored, or he would simply be unhappy. As sad as it sounds. he wasn't as happy as he was with Alexander, and he hated to admit that. He  _wished every night_ that he could just be with somebody else, because he was totally over Alexander, but it was like his soul physically was pulling him away from other people. 

Thomas inhaled deeply then he let out a harsh breath before answering. "Yeah, here and there, I guess." he shrugged, trying to hide the fact that his brain went into overdrive due to the question at hand. He tried to seem as nonchalant as possible. "I haven't been able to stay with anyone very long, I guess I just prefer being single, you know?" Thomas stared up at the ceiling light, attempting to avoid eye contact with Alexander. He hoped that Alexander stopped with the dating questions, he wasn't sure how long more he could bite his tongue before admitting that he couldn't be with anyone after that, because he was  _over Alexander._ "Have you dated?" he questioned quietly, feeling a tug in his chest. He turned his head to look at Alexander, who was already looking at him. 

"John and I gave the dating thing a go for about 5 months." Alexander laughed, looking at Thomas with a grin. "You were super jealous of us, and we thought that was funny. So, we tried it, but we felt better as just friends. Honestly, it didn't feel romantic, only platonic.' Alexander reminisced. Thomas felt a tug of jealousy in his chest, but he shrugged it off. He vividly remembered the times John would blatantly flirt with Alexander in front of him, so naturally, Thomas would hold his thigh or kiss him out of jealousy. That was one of Thomas' more toxic traits and he hated himself for being that way, but he couldn't control it. 

"Anyways," Alexander sat up. "We should order food or something, because I feel like I'm going to die." Thomas snorted at that and the pair sat closer together to figure out what to eat. Thomas would later deny the butterflies that rose in his stomach when Alexander's hand brushed his own. 

* * *

Hours later, the two had finished eating and they had a season of a netflix show playing in the background while they talked. It was a Friday night, so they didn't really care how late it was. They spent the last few hours laughing about old times, teasing and arguing as always. Thomas liked it, he felt so comfortable. He wished that it was always like this, wished he hadn't have been so dumb to let Alexander slip through his fingertips. Talking with him felt so natural, he missed it. 

"I'm going to brush my teeth and wash my face." Alexander sighed as he got through another laughing fit. Thomas nodded with a huge smile, giggles still slipping through his lips. He watched as Alexander made his way down the hall and he settled back into the couch. Thomas had a stupid smile on his face, feeling a type of happy that he hadn’t felt in awhile. 

He waited for Alexander to come back, then he headed to the bathroom himself to get ready for bed. He smiled at Alexander then went into the bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror. He tried his best to wipe the smile off his face, but he couldn’t. It was then when he noticed the toothbrush on the sink and the toothpaste tube still open. He rolled his eyes and laughed under his breath before putting Alexander’s brush back and grabbing his own. Some things simply don’t change.

* * *

”Alexander!” Thomas called from the bathroom and Alexander called back with a response. He had his arms crossed and he waited for his boyfriend to come into the bathroom.

”Yes, baby?” Alexander poked his head into the bathroom and smiled at his boyfriend. “What’s wrong?”

Thomas held up the toothpaste tube and he looked at him. “Please clean and close the tube, and put your brush back.” Thomas deadpanned and Alexander giggled.

”I hope you know I’ll forget in a week.”

”Yeah, I know.”

* * *

Thomas smiled at the old memory. He shook his head then proceeded to brush his teeth. He spit and rinsed his mouth and then headed out, wanting to see if Alexander wanted to watch another episode or just sleep. 

“Alex?” Thomas called, furrowing his eyebrows because he heard silence. He made his way into the living room, and he found Alexander curled up on the couch, sleeping. He had his knees pulled up to his chest and his glasses were half off of his face. Thomas found it super endearing, he felt his heart squeeze in his chest. Thomas walked over and he sat down next to Alexander on the couch, stroking his hair from his face as he looked down at him with a soft smile. He then reached to shut off the tv and the lights, and proceeded to pick Alexander up bridal style and carry him to his bedroom. Thomas looked down when he felt Alexander rub his face against his chest. He stopped dead in his tracks, now noticing what was happening. He was confused now, because he was finding all of these things so adorable all over again, even though he knew about them already. It was like listening to your old favorite song. 

He found a liking again.

After 3 years of being away from him, he was back. He didn’t love him, though. Just liked, in a friend way. 

Thomas slowly walked into Alexander’s bedroom and pulled the covers back. Thomas gently placed the smaller man down onto the bed and stroked his hair from his face. His lips curled up a bit as he pulled the covers over Alexander and he snuggled closer to the bed. He reached to take Alexander’s glasses off of his face and put them on the bedside table. Thomas tip toed his way out of the room and shut the door behind him, careful not to wake him. Thomas let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding and he pressed his back against the door. Why was he thinking like this all of a sudden? Alexander moves in again and all of a sudden he finds him ‘cute’? 

Maybe he needed to sleep on this, get rid of the thoughts. 

* * *

The next morning, Thomas woke to clanking in the kitchen and the smell of turkey bacon. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes, groaning and burrowing his way back into the covers. He took in a deep breath, the smell of the turkey bacon making his stomach grumble. He huffed as he got up, squinting his eyes at the sunlight pouring in through his blinds. It was then that he actually realized Alexander was cooking breakfast, because his brain had just caught up with the rest of his body. 

Thomas swung his legs over the side of the bed and he got off of it, sliding his feet into his slippers and rubbing his eyes. He reached for his glasses and put them on his face, heading into the bathroom to brush his teeth and wash his face. His stomach grumbled again and he ignored it, figuring he would go out and eat breakfast in a second with Alexander. A smile grew at the thought, and he tried to push it away. 

Thomas walked out of the bathroom and headed to the kitchen to find Alexander singing to one of both of their favorite musicals, Newsies. A smirk grew on his lips as he stood against the wall with his arms crossed. 

“I see you’re still wishing you were Katherine on broadway.” Thomas interrupted Alexander mid-watch what happens belt, causing the smaller man to squeal and drop the fork that he was turning bacon with. 

“Don’t do that!” Alexander whined and chucked a napkin at Thomas who was laughing at how jumpy Alexander was. “And for your information,  _I do_ wish I was Katherine.” He made a hmph noise and turned his nose up in the air playfully. Thomas rolled his eyes and he walked over to Alexander, and stole a piece of turkey bacon out of the plate. Thomas bit into it and he hummed, noticing that the bacon wasn’t too chewy but it also wasn’t crunchy - it was just the way he liked it. He looked down and then glanced at Alexander. Did Alexander remember? He remembered the way that Thomas liked his bacon? 

“Did you carry me to bed last night?” Alexander questioned as he turned off the stove and took the last few pieces of bacon off of the stove. Thomas nodded, and made a mental note of the blush on Alexander’s cheeks. 

“Of course,” Thomas simply answered. “I wasn’t gonna leave you there, the couch isn’t comfortable.” Thomas sat down at the kitchen table and looked up at Alexander who was just nodding slowly.

”We should finish lesson plans today.” Alexander hopped up onto the counter. Thomas noticed the way that Alexander was struggling to keep his eyes on his, and they were trailing between his shirtless form and his eyes. Thomas had a  _slight_ feeling that Alexander wasn’t over him. He noticed the way that Alexander nervously fiddled with his hands and his hair when he spoke to Thomas. Thomas then took notice to his body language. Alexander would curl up into himself when he was nervous or anxious. He noticed that Alexander had one arm around his stomach, his legs were crossed, and he was munching on a piece of bacon. Thomas noticed how anxious he seemed. 

“You sure?” he questioned and tilted his head. “You don’t seem too well, are you alright?” He asked, trying to pull the answer out of Alexander. Alexander stared at him blankly for a second and then bit his lip and nodded slowly.

”I’m fine, just a bit anxious today. You know how I get.” Alexander quietly whispered and Thomas averted his eyes to the tile and mumbled an okay. 

The two finished breakfast in silence, and Thomas was left pondering on the awkward confrontation that had just occurred.

Now he was worried, was Alexander okay? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so fucking long i’ve been so busy with rehearsals ):


	5. friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas and Alexander establish a friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hey hey this story is kind of a mess but i like it ok it’s my mess ):

_“What do you mean he carried you?”_ Aaron’s voice was high pitched and worried when Alexander informed him. They were currently laid on the couch - well, Alexander and Theodosia were on one couch and he was laying on her lap, and Aaron was on the other couch, lounging across it. 

“He told me he didn’t want me to sleep on the couch and he picked me up and carried me to bed.” Alexander shrugged. “I don’t know if that meant anything..” he trailed off and shut his eyes. He felt a tug in his chest. He knew Thomas didn’t love him anymore, it was obvious. He truly hoped that he wouldn’t be living there for too long, he already saw him enough at school. But why was he being so caring? So gentle? Alexander didn’t know. Maybe it was a friendship thing, but they didn’t even establish even  _having_ a friendship. 

“I mean to be fair, I’ve picked you up and carried you to bed before-“

Alexander cut him off with a finger in the air. “You’re not my ex.”

”Actually,” Theodosia chimed in and she looked at Alexander with a smirk. “You guys dated for three months before you dated Thomas.” she reminded and Alexander shot her a glare and huffed out a breath. 

“Fuck off, Theo.”

Theodosia shrugged with a soft laugh. “Alex, honey, it’s not _my_ fault that you dated or hooked up with all of your friends at a point.” Alexander’s eyes widened and his face flushed red, causing Aaron to burst into laughter. 

“Oh, suck my dick, Aaron.” Alexander rolled his eyes and Aaron snickered.

” _I have already.”_

That earned Aaron a pillow to the head.

”Guys!” Alexander whined, sounding petulant. “I still love him, and now we’re living together, and I don’t know how he’s feeling!” Alexander groaned. “He’s dated since we broke up, and I haven’t even fucked anyone in  _three whole years_ because I’m not over him.” he ran his hand through his greasy brown hair and brought his hands up to tie it into a bun. “My students are starting to think something’s up, because I can’t act normal around him.”

Aaron sighed and sat up on the sofa. “Alexander,” he mumbled. “You cannot be that way just because of him. You have to act normal, you can’t just let it affect your job.” Aaron deadpanned and Alexander rolled his eyes.

”Yeah whatever-“

”Don’t whatever me!” Aaron snapped and Alexander jumped at the sudden outburst. “I’m worried about you because you have to spend literally all of your time around the man who broke your heart, and I’m scared you’re going to get hurt!” 

Alexander was silenced from that. Theodosia ran her hand down his side in a gentle manner and Alexander blinked at Aaron. He knew Aaron was right, he was letting it affect him in ways he didn’t think were possible. He was getting side tracked constantly, and teaching lessons was getting harder because Thomas was always in his peripheral vision. Alexander was starting to fall for whatever little game Thomas was playing, but he didn’t want to let it happen again.

”I know, I hear you.” Alexander spoke quietly, he sounded like a kicked puppy. “I love you guys, I’m sorry.” he sighed and shut his eyes. Theodosia didn’t answer, just scratched her nails across his scalp and Aaron walked over to the pair and pressed a kiss to Alexander’s forehead. 

“Be careful.”

* * *

"Thomas, honey, leave me alone. I’m writing lesson plans.” Alexander grumbled as he flipped over some papers, then continued to type on his computer. Thomas had been nudging at his thigh for the past 10 minutes, because he was sitting on the ground beside him. 

“But, I love you.” Thomas pouted and Alexander rolled his eyes and looked down at his boyfriend.

”Yes, baby, I know.” He sighed and leaned down to kiss his forehead. “I love you too, but I have two junior classes to prep for exams and I have to focus. We can cuddle when I’m finished.”

Thomas whined again and Alexander shoved him gently. “You’re going to stay here all night, take a break with me, please?” Thomas dragged out the ‘e’ in please.

Alexander glanced between his laptop and his whining boyfriend on the floor. He internally debated: should he go and cuddle and kiss Thomas, or keep writing his lesson plan? It was a Friday night, after all. He had the entire weekend to finish this week’s plans..

Alexander stood up and shut the top of his laptop. “Come on, let’s go watch Newsies or Heathers or something and snuggle.” Thomas stood up and squealed, teaching to pick Alexander up by the waist.

* * *

“Thomas, I swear.” Alexander grumbled, crumbling up a piece of paper and tossing it at Thomas. “We can’t take a break now, we’re almost done. We can eat afterwards.” He huffed out a breath and pushed a few stray strands of hair behind his ear. He heard Thomas whining, but decided just to ignore it.

”Come  _on,_ Alex..” Thomas whined. “I just want to spend some time with my workaholic friend.” 

* * *

“Alexander, hello? Earth to Alexander?” Thomas snapped his fingers in front of Alexander’s face, snapping him out of the trance he was in. Alexander shook his head and looked over at Thomas.

”What?” he snapped and scowled at the tall boy, his sworn enemy. 

Thomas sighed and went to shut the boy’s textbook and he started to pack Alexander’s things away.

”What are you doing?”

”Taking my  _friend_ for a meal because he doesn’t know how to feed himself. Thomas deadpanned. “Now, come on, let’s go, ugly.” Thomas grumbled as he walked out of the library, Alexander’s things in hand.

* * *

Alexander paused and he put his pen down. He held his breath, then let it out slowly in four beats. Friend? His heart was  _racing._ They were friends.  _They were friends again._

“We-“ Alexander breathed back out slow. “We’re friends again?” Alexander’s voice got higher, signaling a question. A small smile grew on his face 

Thomas looked at him with this happiness that Alexander couldn’t describe.

”Yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry writers block i don’t know how to end this i’m gonna start the next chapter


	6. reluctance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexander wants to distance himself to make himself not love Thomas. and he gets sad. Thomas notices during one of their classes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi

Alexander thought this would be easy, but frankly, it was  _not._

Clearly, Alexander was still in love with Thomas. Everyone knew, Thomas, his friends, probably even Washington, the god damn  _Queen of England_ probably knew he was in love with Thomas. 

There were moment during their classes where he would catch himself staring at Thomas, getting lost in his voice. Moments where Thomas would throw his head back laughing and Thomas wouldn’t be able to control his smile. Alexander overheard Thomas on the phone with his best friend, James, and he hadn’t spoken about Alexander  _once._ Not that he was supposed to, or anything, but Thomas was confusing. Alexander was confused as to why is ex invited him to live with him. Sure, he was being a good “friend”, but an ex doesn’t do that.

Alexander didn’t know what he wanted.

He found his mind growing more and more dark, found himself being doubtful more and more. He would wonder why he wasn’t good enough for Thomas when they were together and why he would leave after so long of being together. He would wonder why Thomas moved on so damn quickly and why he was stuck sulking over him three years later. He wondered why Thomas treated him so badly, and he started thinking that he deserved it. Maybe it was the way he acted that made Thomas treat him like that. Maybe he was too clingy and needy.

* * *

“Thomas, please-“ Alexander felt his voice breaking over the phone. They’d been arguing for about four hours now, but Thomas decided to literally just leave in the middle of the argument. Alexander hadn’t seen him in about four days, and when he did see him that day, he just wanted a kiss. Thomas was fed up, said he was annoying him and he didn’t want to talk. Alexander was upset, wondering where Thomas had been, and they argued. 

It had been like this for weeks. Thomas would disappear, then come back and fight with Alexander. After years of being together, Thomas decided  _now_ he would treat Alexander badly.

Alexander felt his heart wrench, his lip started to quiver. “Please come back.” He begged, his voice cracking as he began to sob. “I don’t know what I did, but I want to fix-“

”You can’t fix shit, Alexander.” Thomas huffed. The phone hung up.

Alexander fell to his knees.

* * *

Maybe he deserved it. 

Was there any other reason for Thomas to leave him? Not really.

He began to distance himself.

He didn’t know why, couldn’t really justify it. He just knew that he wanted to be as far from Thomas as humanly possible, just so this didn’t hurt as bad. Being friends with somebody who broke your heart is bad. Especially when they were the one person you were never able to get over. Alexander got over people in a months time, usually. But Thomas? For some reason, he stuck to Alexander like glue. 

He wished the feeling would leave. He didn’t know how to describe the ache he felt every morning for the past 3 years when he woke up and there was no Thomas in his bed. He couldn’t describe the jealousy that burned in his stomach when he saw John, Lafayette, and Hercules together. 

He wanted Thomas, but he knew that it wasn’t the same. 

Alexander was sprawled out on the couch with a Harry Potter book in his hand, his glasses low on his nose. He was feeling down on that particular night, and he also didn’t want to be stressed before they had class the next day. He’d avoided speaking to Thomas for the whole day.

”Alexander,” Thomas began, as he walked into the living room. Alexander didn’t pick his face up from the book, just hummed in response. “I just finished the lesson plan, you wanna look it over?” he questioned and Alexander shut his eyes, intaking a big breath. 

“Yeah,” he breathed out harshly and then dog eared his book (and he could practically hear Thomas grimacing from across the room at his dog earring), and then headed into their shared office. Alexander took a seat, pulling his sweatshirt around his body and pushing up his glasses as he went to the start of the powerpoint. He clicked through it, carefully reading everything and nodding as he went through. As he did so, he felt eyes burning the side of his head.

”May I help you?” Alexander grumbled out, looking at Thomas through his peripheral vision. Thomas was looking at him with this worry, and Alexander really wished that he  _didn’t._ It gave him a false sense of hope.

He didn’t know how to describe it, but he hated when people cared for him. It made him care for them, then it hurt when they left. Within the past few days, Alexander realized how much of a bad idea it was to move in with Thomas again. He was going to get used to him, just to have him rip his heart out all over again.

”You’re not speaking, What’s wrong? You’ve avoided me like, all week.” Thomas had a mother-bear-tone hinting in his voice. Alexander internally rolled his eyes at that, recalling the times Thomas lectured him in that voice. Alexander chuckled under his breath, remembering the times he would be sick and refusing to stay home or when he would be angry at Thomas and refusing to speak.

This was much like one of those times.

See, one thing that hadn’t changed about Alexander since the breakup was his stubbornness.

”I’m fine, Thomas.” He spoke at a tone so dead and monotone, that it didn’t even sound like himself. Thomas furrowed his eyebrows, looking at Alexander with a stressed out expression. Alexander ignored him. Couldn’t let anything else bother him. 

Thomas sighed quietly and he crouched down next to Alexander, looking up at him with a soft expression. “Alex,” Thomas started. Alexander didn’t look at him, he felt tears brimming in his eyes. He bit his lips and he clenched his fists.

He made a mistake: he let Thomas in again. He shouldn’t have, but he did. He didn’t went to get hurt again, because he was just gonna get hurt again.

* * *

”Please, Thomas,  _please._ Just speak to me.” Alexander begged to nobody in particular. Thomas was avoiding him, yet again. He wasn’t texting back, and when he did he responded with one word responses. He had spent the night at James’ house, and Alexander just wanted to know if he was alright. He had anxiety, he figured he was being too clingy. The way Thomas spoke to him made it seem that way, at least. He felt like he was being annoying, but he also didn’t want to leave him alone.

**_To tommy boy:_ ** _when are u heading home? i miss u ): & what do u want for dinner? lmk _

Twenty minutes passed, no reply. 

Alexander sighed and locked his phone.

Thomas didn’t come home that night.

As the weeks went by, Thomas withdrew further and further from Alexander. When he would come home, he would give Alexander a peck and just stay in their room. He would avoid speaking.

Alexander felt his heart breaking slowly, it ached.

This was  _torture._

* * *

”Alex, dude?” Thomas waved his hand in front of Alexander’s face, trying to catch his attention. Alexander shook out of his trance, the memory suddenly fading back into his brain. He blinked a few times, then let his eyes focus on Thomas. 

 _Thomas,_ god. He hurt him so badly, he didn’t want that feeling again. He didn’t want his heart to be wrenched out of his body with a fist and crushed slowly all over again.

But he couldn’t help but think, maybe Thomas changed. Maybe he’s different now, and maybe the past 3 years have been hard too.

He might be over Alexander, but friendships could be easy, you never know.

”I’m fine.” Alexander cleared his throat and Thomas glared at him then stood up. “I promise-“

Thomas walked over to the door, then shut it. He stood with his back against it and his arms crossed, causing Alexander to look at him with furrowed eyebrows.

”What are you-“

”I’m not letting you leave until you smile.” 

Alexander’s jaw slightly dropped, but then he shut his mouth and just looked at him.

_What was he playing at?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was supposed to be longer but now i feel like splitting it into two sorry


	7. not an update just an authors note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hi

HEY Y’ALL NO IM NOT ENDING THIS STORY LMAO I LOVE THIS STORY I COULD NEVER 

but... i am super super super busy with finals, choir competition, and newsies rehearsal and I’ll be updating super slow and i’m so sorry!!! i’m trying my best to finish the next chapter and i’ll finish it asap i promise !!!

thank u for understanding i love y’all


	8. smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas tries to make Alexander smile, they watch a movie, they fall asleep together.  
> Thomas has a cwush ON HIS EX BOYFRIEND.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here’s a cute chapter of them talking about newsies and falsettos and other musicals because we needed them to be happy ,,, bro thomas is the big gay ,, like me i’m the big gay (i love how i say i’m gay but i’m actually pansexual)  
> side note half of this is in alex’s pov and the other have is in thomas’ , when they start watching the movie it’s in thomas’ pov

Alexander stared at Thomas with a deadpan expression. He spun the chair around and stood up, arms crossed to mimick the other.

” _Try me.”_ Alexander raised an eyebrow. “You won’t make me laugh, try me bitch.” Alexander cocked out one hip and Thomas smirked at him.

”Sure.” Thomas laughed. “You’re forgetting that I know where you-“

”Touching me is cheating, you fuck.” Alexander spoke in the most serious voice possible. His brain kept telling him not to encourage Thomas, to tell him to fuck off and mind his own business, but he couldn’t bring himself to tell him to leave him alone. A part of him  _wanted_ Thomas to take care of him and ask if he’s okay and make him feel better. 

Thomas sucked his teeth and he glared at Alexander. “You’re impossible.”

”Am not.” Alexander declared petulantly. He crossed his arms and looked up at Thomas childishly. Thomas chuckled at the smaller man’s childish personality and he took a step closer.

”Are too.”

Alexander’s breath hitched for a second as Thomas’ body was closer to his, and at this angle he could see how the man towered over him. Somehow in the three years they had been apart, Thomas had gotten even more buff and broad. He also somehow seemed taller than before, which made Alexander feel intimidated. Compared to Thomas, Alexander was really small. He stood at a staggering 5’5” and he had skinny arms because he didn’t do much. He had a bit of meat on his stomach and thighs, but not much. For a man of his age, he definitely should’ve weighed more. Alexander’s eyes slowly dragged up Thomas’ body and Thomas raised an eyebrow at him.

 _Don’t ask, don’t ask._ Alexander begged in his mind. He held his breath. 

“The world is ya erster.” 

Alexander almost  _spit_ all over Thomas. He and Thomas used to watch broadway bootlegs 24/7 when they were together, and they constantly went back to Newsies and Falsettos. Something that Alexander never got tired of was that joke in particular.

”It’s  _oyster!”_ Alexander laughed and shook his head. “God, Race was so stupid. He’s the best.”

Thomas gasped and put his hand over his chest in offense. “Excuse me?” He questioned in a baffled voice. Alexander our his hands up defensively and laughed.

”He’s the best newsie.” 

“Crutchie!”

Alexander scoffed and rolled his eyes. “You’re just saying that because you’re a sucker for blondes and Andrew Keenan-Bolger is hot as hell.”

Thomas’ jaw snapped shut and he glared at Alexander. Alexander smirked as Thomas quieted down in defeat and he went to turn around. “Yeah, well you’re in love with Nick Adams as Whizzer!” 

“Oh shut your face, you would die for the guy who plays JD in the original cast of Heathers.” Alexander giggled, inching his way closer and closer to Thomas so that he was close enough that his chest was almost touching Thomas’.

Alexander watched as Thomas eyes softened at Alexander and he gave Thomas a small smile. “Hey there, Mr. Kelly.” Alexander winked, trying to ease the romantic/sexual tension that has been set in the room since their little petty argument about broadway performers began. 

“You got a name?” Thomas smirked down at Alexander and he felt himself getting  _nervous._ (or aroused, he couldn’t tell.) 

“Katherine,” Alexander paused and averted his eyes to the ground. “Plumber.”

Thomas clicked his tongue and continued their reinactment of the scene. Alexander felt his heart speeding up. “What’s the matter, ain’t ya sure?”

”It’s my byline, the name I publish under.” Alexander scratched the back of his head. “So, what do you want?”

Thomas stepped closer so he was backing Alexander up a bit until his back gently hit the back. Alexander panted and he swallowed a bit, looking up at Thomas. “Can’t you see it, in my eyes?” Thomas whispered and Alexander rolled his eyes, trying to hide his arousal and nerves. 

“Oh fuck off, Mr. Jack Kelly.” Alexander teased. “If that’s even your  _real_ _name.”_ Alexander stuck his tongue out, trying to ignore the butterflies that sat in his stomach.

What the hell was that? Thomas was supposed to be making him laugh, not making him horny. Christ, this man didn’t know boundaries. He didn’t know what “friendship” was. Alexander thought for a second. Maybe it was the fact that they had a history. He couldn’t tell.

”Let’s watch newsies again.” Thomas suggested. “Just like old times, yeah?” the taller man’s cheeks were flushed and he had a gentle smile across his cheeks. His eyes flashed with something that Alexander couldn’t quite put his finger on, but he liked it. He watched the way Thomas’ lips moved, and how the words rolled off of his tongue. 

“Of course.”

* * *

Within the next twenty minutes, the two men were settled into Thomas’ bed with blankets. Thomas debated on using two different blankets, but they settled on using one and just sharing it. Alexander was snuggled up with his back against the pillows.

”Can you set up the damn movie faster?” Alexander whined as Thomas tried his best to find the movie in his google drive. He attempted to act annoyed, he really tried his best. But Thomas’ giggling made him too happy, he couldn’t help but smile too. 

Thomas sat down on the bed next to him, the laptop resting on their thighs and the covers over their legs. “You comfy?” he questioned, Alexander nodded and he folded his hands in his lap.

The two awkwardly sat together, and Alexander never felt more weird in his life. Thomas was refraining from touching him as much as possible, as if their faces weren’t two centimeters apart ten minutes ago, and they were so tense.

”Look, it’s my baby.” Alexander giggled and pointed to the screen as he saw Crutchie standing up. “I love him.”

”I know,” Thomas chuckled. “You used to never shut up about him, and Jack and Davey.” Thomas listed off. “I used to get offended when you would say that you wanted to marry Davey.” Thomas admitted, his cheeks red, and Alexander raised an eyebrow at him and shoved him gently. Thomas was  _jealous_ of a musical character. Wow.

“You’re a loser, I can’t believe you got jealous over Davey.” Alexander scoffed and then fiddled with his thumbs. “But I mean, I would still totally marry Ben Fankhauser. Not even just Davey, the actor too, he’s goegeous.” Alexander rambled, tilting his head back and smiling at the ceiling. “He is gorgeous.”

Thomas coughed uncomfortably and Alexander pursed his lips, catching onto the fact that him speaking about men he found attractive made Thomas feel odd. He didn’t know why, they were friends. He talked about men he found attractive with his friends all the time. 

Alexander and Thomas sang their way through the movie. They knew every line to every song and every scene, it was their movie, really. Alexander felt happy, he appreciated it. Watching this movie for old times sake made his heart feel full again. He didn’t know how to express the joy he felt from rekindling their bond. They loosened up a bit, too. They were less awkward and Alexander had his head on Thomas’ shoulder. 

Alexander would deny it later, but he cried in the middle of act two. Soon, they were on Katherine and Jack’s scene and Alexander was preparing to act it out himself.

”I told you my professional name was Plumber, and it is. You never asked my real one.” Alexander spoke along with Katherine and Thomas laughed but went along with it. He said the next line and giggled, turning his face to look at Alexander as they recited lines. Alexander felt chills running up his spine as Thomas looked him in the eyes. His cheeks turned a slight color of pink and he bit his lip.

”If I were a boy you’d be looking at me through one swollen eye!” Alexander growled along with Katherine’s line and held his fist to Thomas’ chin, putting his face close to Thomas’.

Alexander gulped and he looked from Thomas’ nose to his eyes. He felt butterflies in his stomach from being this close again, he never thought he would be this close ever again. Being this close, he noticed the lines underneath Thomas’ eyes, the dark circles from the lack of sleep. He wanted to know what kept him up. He also noticed that Thomas’ eyelashes were longer than before, which was adorable in his head. He noticed Thomas’ eyes softening and felt Thomas inching a bit closer, and he found himself not doing anything to stop him.

_Kiss me, idiot. Kiss me, idiot. Kiss me, idiot._

Thomas pulled back and he let out an awkward giggle. “Sorry,” he coughed. “I don’t know what happened there, um.” he scratched the back of his head.

* * *

_I should’ve kissed him._

Thomas thought as he rubbed his eyes. Alexander went back to sitting on the completely opposite side of the bed. How could he have been this stupid? He should’ve just kissed him.

But, that would also cause many problems. He didn’t know if he loved him still, didn’t know how he felt really. He knew that he felt something, but he also knew Alexander was in love with him and he didn’t want to fuck with his feelings. There were a lot of things that he didn’t want to mess up, and things he still needed to sort out.

The movie was finished, and Thomas set his laptop on his bedside table. He saw out of the corner of his eye that Alexander was starting to get out of the bed. 

“Hey, wait,” Thomas called and he turned his head. “I,” he scratched his arm and pursed his lips. “I’m sorry for making things awkward.” he apologized and looked up at the man standing in front of him. “Stay for a bit? Please? We can talk more.” Thomas suggested and he patted the bed next to him. Alexander looked at him for a second, seeming as if he was trying to make a decision. Thomas felt anxiety bubbling in his stomach and he dug his nails into his palm.

Alexander sat down.

”Okay.” Alexander smiled at Thomas. He got himself comfortable, laying underneath Thomas’ covers all snuggled up. Thomas felt his heart melt.

”I want a dog.” Alexander blurted our and he yawned quietly. “Dogs are super cute.” he mumbled shutting his eyes. Thomas smiled a bit, just with the corner of his mouth. Alexander never slept, he was probably sleepy, and Thomas knew that he would probably knock out mid sentence and he would have to carry him to his bed.

Though, he wouldn’t mind.

Alexander weighed literally 2 pounds anyways.

”I want a lab puppy. They’re so lovable.” Thomas added onto the conversation, he was still sitting up. He shut his eyes, leaning his head against the headboard as he listened to Alexander speak. He felt a soft smile on his lips as he listened to the slight scratch in Alexander’s voice. Im the middle of his rant about some random shoe he was watching, Thomas heard him slowly getting softer, his voice was starting to fade out and he cracked open one eye to see that Alexander’s eyes were closed. He saw that his breathing was even now and he looked a lot more relaxed and calm than he did before.

Thomas felt his chest tighten in an uncomfortable fashion and he rubbed at it, thinking that if he brushed it away physically then the tightness would leave. He turned his head to look over at the sleeping man beside him, then reached to tuck hair behind his ear.

_God, he was screwed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m obsessed with newsies and i know everybody’s lines word for word because i’m in a production of it LMFAOOOOO i’m serious i memorized everyone’s lines my best friend is jack so i know his monologues ksksksjdjsjs also sorry this took mad long


	9. invitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas feels himself being drawn to Alexander again and he doesn’t know how to feel about it because he believes that Alexander will never love him again due to how he just deleted himself from his life three years ago.  
> Thomas’ younger brother invites him to his engagement party and Thomas has no date.  
> His students suggest he should bring Alexander.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU SO MUCHHHH @ shinyrat for SUGGESTING THIS OHMYGOD THIS WAS AUCH A GREAT ADDITION TO THE STORY I APPRECIATE YOUR EXISTENCE 💝💝💝  
> yes i named characters in one of the scenes in this chapter based off of the VLD characters do i have a problem yes

Thomas didn’t know how to feel.

He and Alexander have been a lot closer in the past month or so of living with each other. At this point, it was first nature for them to brush their teeth at the same time and help each other get their bags together and ready for work. Instead of traveling in separate cars like they would when they first moved in together, they drove to work together. Instead of using earbuds when he was in the car, Alexander actually  _spoke_ to Thomas.

It was first nature for one of them to ask what were the plans for dinner that night, and for them to pack each other lunch or check up on the other. Thomas had also started to carry medicine for Alexander in his bag every day since the man was always sick or had a headache.

Their lessons were a lot more natural, a lot more fluid and they joked around so much more.

”Wow,” a student by the name of Anthony chuckled at the two. “You would’ve never believed that they hated each other when Mr. Jefferson first came in.” he whispered, but Thomas heard him and shook his head at the observation.

He himself had an observation, as well. He noticed that lately he had been finding things about Alexander that used to be annoying, endearing. 

If Alexander ever sang too loudly in the shower, he would laugh and shake his head instead of telling him to shut up. If Alexander ever got too angry while watching a show and he would physically show it, Thomas would just gawk at the passion that the other man held. In arguments, oh  _god._ Thomas found it so hard to not call Alexander cute in the middle of their debates. He found it  _so hard_ to not just grab him and kiss the hell out of him. 

He would’ve, honestly, if it wasn’t for the fact that he broke Alexander’s heart so long ago.

And there it was, the sad truth. Even though Thomas felt himself loving Alexander all over again, there would never be a chance again.

* * *

”Thomas-“ 

“Leave me alone, Alex.” Thomas grumbled as he walked out of their bedroom.

The two hadn’t spoken for over two weeks, not more than a simple hello before leaving the house and a goodnight before bed. Thomas had taken it upon himself to sleep on the couch, as well.

He didn’t exactly know why he was feeling like this. He couldn’t tell why. He didn’t feel the same way anymore, didn’t feel the same spark. He didn’t see a point if he didn’t love Alexander the same.

And it wasn’t that he didn’t love him, he wasn’t just tired of the same old thing. It wasn’t exciting to him anymore. He felt like they just weren’t exciting to each other anymore. 

And maybe it was just him thinking that. Maybe Alexander didn’t feel that way at all.

He couldn’t shake the feeling, he didn’t want to force Alexander through his confusion, but he was anyways.

He needed to go.

* * *

He just left, just like that. Thomas left Alexander without a word as to why, just said they’re over and he didn’t explain why. Thomas fucking  _broke_ his heart. He ripped it out and stepped on it, watched it shatter into little pieces and he didn’t bother to pick it up and help fix it. 

He could’ve fixed things so long ago. Could’ve came back and said sorry when he realized that he couldn't date after Alexander and  _maybe_ Alexander was his one and only – his soulmate. Maybe things could’ve been okay and he wouldn’t have had to meet Alexander like this again and earn his trust back.

There were so many “maybes” and “what ifs” and Thomas hated himself for not paying attention to them before. Now they were all staring him in the face, his decisions. History had its eyes on him, and if looks could kill, he would be dead.

All of these maybes, what ifs from the past few years, they all pointed to one fact.

_He still loved Alexander Hamilton._

This revelation would have meant nothing if Alexander  _wasn’t_ his roommate.

He wished he could go back and change everything, he wished time would freeze and he didn’t have to deal with this anymore.

He wished that he could go back and not fuck up what he had with Alexander in the first place because what they had was perfect, it was  _real._

He’ll never get that back.

* * *

”Good morning, class.” Thomas greeted as he walked into his 11th grade US history class. He received a chorus of hellos and how are yous from his students, and he grinned at all of them. “Mr. Hamilton won’t be coming in today, he’s not feeling too well.” he explained as he took out his laptop. He put his bag down on the table, not closing it and he opened his laptop to open the power point. 

“Mr. Jefferson, who’s wedding are you going to?” A student questioned, picking up the invitation on the floor. He froze, then looked up.

”Oh.” he coughed and he walked over to get it from the student. “My younger brother.” he explained.

It slipped his mind that his younger brother was having an engagement party in about two weeks. His parents wanted him to bring a plus one as well, and he wasn’t dating anyone. He was extremely stressed out about it, mostly because his brother who was 5 years younger was  _already_ getting married, and he was 28 and single and he wasn’t even thinking about dating again.

Well - he was. He just didn’t know if this person wanted him too.

His whole class oooh-ed and aah-ed, and he chuckled, telling them to quiet down. 

“Who are you taking, Mr. Jefferson?” a young boy by the name of Keith questioned. Thomas was taken aback by the question, noticing the smirk on the student’s face. “Hmm? Have you got a special lady or special man in your life” Keith extenuated his statement by winking and Thomas felt his neck getting hot, feeling embarrassed about speaking about his horrendous love life in front of a bunch of 17 year olds.

”I,” Thomas coughed to clear his throat and he fixed his collar awkwardly. “I don’t really know who to bring, maybe I’ll bring my best friend James, or I’ll ask my friend Angelica to come with me.” he shrugged.

”How about A. Ham?” his student Katie spoke up, she pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose and smirked at Thomas. Thomas’ eyebrows shot up so far that they hit his hairline and he stared at her.

”You want me to bring Mr. Hamilton?” he questioned, feeling confused. “Why him of all people?”

”Well,” Katie stuck her hand out to count on her fingers. “You two are obviously very good friends, you get along very well, he’s saved you from multiple awkward encounters as you have informed us, and A. Ham is a fun person.” She shrugged. “It’s not a bad idea, just tell your brother you didn’t have a date-“

”Or he could fake date him.” Lance spoke up, smirking. 

“That is a terrible idea, Lance, don’t even suggest that.” Hunk laughed.

”You’ve read enough fanfiction to know how that ends up.” Keith muttered under his breath and Lance went to argue with him, but Thomas quieted his class down and sat down at his desk.

He thought for a second, seriously debating it in his brain: would bringing Alexander really be that  _bad_ of an idea? He could always tell his parents that they got back together.. or they could just go as friends..

But his parents wouldn’t stand for that. They already hated him enough when him and Alexander broke up, mostly because they absolutely adored him and wanted him to marry into the family. They probably despised Thomas more than Alexander did when everything happened. 

* * *

“Thomas, I wish I could help you, but this is absolutely your fault.” His mother, Jane, sighed, putting her hand on top of his. “You lost him, honey, I’m sorry. We loved him too, I loved him a lot.” she whispered, her voice slightly cracking, signaling that she was close to tears. 

“Maybe he’ll come back one day. If it’s meant to be, it’ll be.”

* * *

Every single day for three years those words rang through his head. Every single day he tried to tell himself he didn’t love Alexander. Every single day he reminded himself that it wasn’t his fault and that he didn’t love Alexander and that’s why everything happened.

Maybe if he brought Alexander to this engagement party, it would spring old feelings. Maybe they could fix things, talk things over. Maybe being around Thomas’ family would push Alexander to want to be with him again.

He needed to think it over, maybe speak to James about it and get his opinion.

”Maybe I’ll ask A. Ham, actually.” he nodded. “Thank you, Katie.” he smiled at his students. He stood up from his desk. 

“Alright, let’s stop talking about my personal life, let’s speak about today’s topic!” he clapped and he turned towards the board.

He needed James’ help.

* * *

”Jemmy, this is super weird, but I need help.” Thomas whined as he sat down across from James in the booth at the diner they had gone to for dinner. They both decided since they hadn’t seen each other in about two weeks, they needed to catch up and Thomas desperately missed his best friend.

”Let me guess,” James signed, rubbing his temples. “You want to ask Alexander to go to Scott’s engagement party but you don’t know if you should because  _I don’t know James he still hates me for the breakup._ Am I correct?” James cocked an eyebrow at his best friend after he imitated him and Thomas’ eyebrows were furrowed and his mouth dropped open.

”H-how did you-“

”Because I was invited too, stupid. Did you forget that we grew up together?” James scoffed.

”Not that!” Thomas squealed, evening looks from people in the diner. “How did you know about Alex? Did you read my mind? Are you a witch?!” he questioned, poking at James and James laughed and threw a sugar packet at him. 

“You haven’t shut up about Alexander  _once_ in the past three weeks. I can tell that-“

”I don’t.” Thomas crosses his arms. “I do not have feelings for him.” he lied and turned his head away. “Besides, he-“

”Hasn’t let go of the heartbreak yadda yadda yadda.” James rolled his eyes. “Seriously, Thomas? You think you can hide things from me? I’m your best friend.” James cocked his eyebrow at Thomas, who shifted under his stare and looked away to avoid eye contact. 

“He wouldn’t want to, anyways.” Thomas whispered under his breath. James shot him a look, then went to say something, but he was interrupted by the waiter coming over and asking them for their drinks.

”I’ll have a cup of tea please.” James smiled at the man and Thomas said the same, then he rubbed his temples and sighed when the man walked away.

He was frustrated, to say the least. He didn’t understand feelings and he didn’t want them.

”I get that.” James mumbled. “And you should stop thinking aloud, it’s super weird.” he teased and Thomas kicked him underneath the table. 

James snorted in response and flicked him on the arm. “Don’t play footsie with me, I’m engaged.” Thomas threw his hands up in defeat and groaned.

”Of course, I’m mr. Lonely.” he deadpanned and looked to the side crossing his arms. James never had problems with dating, for some reason. His relationships always lasted super long and they were always amazing. Almost all of his relationships ended on good terms, hence why he still speaks to Lafayette and is still Lafayette’s best friend. Thomas wished he could be like that, he wished he could make amends as easily as James. But that wasn’t possible. 

“Thomas, buddy?” James snapped in front of his face. “You still there?” he questioned, concern lacing his voice. Thomas didn’t answer verbally, just nodded. 

“Ask him, you never know the answer.” James suggested and Thomas looked at him with a slight smile.

”It’s worth a shot.”

* * *

Thomas slowly walked into the apartment as quietly as possible, just in case Alexander was asleep because he wasn’t feeling well. Thomas  _somehow_ convinced him to stay home. Alexander argued with him for almost a full hour before literally throwing up and Thomas gave him that mama bear look that forced him to surrender. Thomas tip toed to the living room and he saw Alexander underneath a blanket with the tv on, re-watching Pretty Little Liars for the hundredth time. Thomas remembered how much he loved it, even though he himself thought it was a dumb show. He still sat and watched it with Alexander, just because he loved how happy he was. 

Thomas walked over to him and crouched down next to him, then smiled when Alexander turned his head. “How’s the fever?” he questioned, then reached for the thermometer on the table.

”Went down,” Alexander coughed and sat up. “I threw up again, but I’m feeling less shitty than last night. It’s at around 101.4 right now.” he stated, then he let Thomas stick the thermometer in his mouth. Thomas giggled at how he looked, his hair a mess and his sweatshirt off his shoulder. He found it endearing and sweet. 

Thomas pulled the thermometer out when it beeped and checked it. “100.3, good.” Thomas put it back on the table then headed into the kitchen to make him a cup of ginger tea. “Hopefully you’re okay by next week.”

”What’s next week?” Alexander questioned from the living room. Thomas heard the tv pause and the confusion in Alexander’s voice. He swallowed and put the cup down, trying not to talk himself out of this.

_Heart, don’t fail me now. Courage, don’t desert me. Don’t turn back now that we’re here._

”I, um,” he scratched his head. “My brother is having an engagement party and I need to bring somebody and nobody’s free...” he trailed off. 

By this point, Alexander was standing behind him in the doorway. Thomas turned around holding the cup of tea and he almost dropped it when he turned around. 

“You want me to go with you to Virginia?” he questioned with his arms crossed and his back against the doorway. Thomas nervously nodded and scratched his neck.

”I mean, yeah..” he mumbled and looked away, trying not to make eye contact.

Alexander hummed and looked up at him.

”Sure. Just let me know so I can speak to our boss.” He grabbed the cup of tea from Thomas and walked out of the kitchen, leaving Thomas to gape at thin air at what the hell just happened. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took long also peep that anastasia reference


	10. not an update just an authors note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hi

hey y’all! as you know (or if you don’t know, i’m informing you) i’m in tthe cast of newsies at my school!! rehearsals have been running super late and i have had no time at all to write. i promise i’ll update as soon as possible! the show is next week, so i’ll have time soon.

 

i love y’all❤️


	11. heading to virginia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They start driving the six hour drive to Virginia!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyyyy

“Alex, you’re going  _where?!”_ John exclaimed through the laptop that Alexander was facetiming him on. Alexander had just broken the news to all of his friends that he would be heading to Virginia with Thomas for his little brother’s engagement party.

Needless to say, his friends did not take it well. Peggy was to prepared to bitch slap him that Eliza had to  _physically_ restrain her. Aaron was just disappointed and literally left the room, leaving him to sit with Theodosia on the couch and be confused about his own bad decision.

He was beginning to think he made a mistake.

”Jackie, it’s for a week or so, I’ll be okay. It’s not like we live together or anything.” Alexander said sarcastically while doing jazz hands to make his point clear. John was being dumb, all of his friends were being dumb. They were all acting like he and Thomas didn’t already live together. What was the pain in having them in Virginia together for a week? 

“His parents are going to  _act like_ you’re still together because y’all told them you are!” John emphasized and he gave Alexander a look through the screen. “It’s going to hurt you because I  _know_ you miss them.” John’s tone softened and Alexander looked to the side, staring at the pile of clothing on his floor. “You can’t pretend like you don’t miss them anymore, I can see right through you. Whenever Thomas speaks to them I know you want to grab the phone and say  _hey mom._ ” John spoke softly and looked at Alexander with a sympathetic look. “Lex, look at me.” he whispered. “I don’t want you to hurt anymore.”

Alexander felt his heart wrench at each of John’s words, he let them sink into his skin for a second before he shut his eyes and shook his head. 

John was right, but it was too late.

”It’s too late now,” Alexander sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “I can’t back out, we’re literally leaving in three days.”

John nodded his head and looked at Alexander with concern in his eyes. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

”I’ll be okay.”

* * *

”Alex! Can you hurry the fuck up, I have to pee!” Thomas’ voice rang through the door of the bathroom in their apartment as he knocked on it. Alexander groaned and tried his hardest to wash the shampoo out of his hair. It was the morning of the trip, and Alexander was stressing out more than normal. 

_What would his family say? What would they do? What would his parents say to Alexander? Did they miss him as much as he missed them? Would they welcome him with open arms or did they hate him?_

So many questions rang through Alexander’s head, he didn’t know what to do. 

“Thomas, just fucking come in and pee I still have to shave my legs!”

Thomas grunted in response and opened the door. “Why are you even shaving your legs?” Thomas questioned and Alexander could practically feel him rolling his eyes.

”Because it’s warm and we’re going to be wearing shorts.” Alexander snapped back. It was six a.m., Alexander was not in the mood to deal with Thomas being a smart ass before they had to sit together in a car for six hours.

Thomas laughed and flushed the toilet after he was done, then washed his hands. “Alright, no need to be snappy.” Thomas teased and Alexander poked his head out of the shower and glared at him, then whacked him on the shoulder. 

“Ouch!” Thomas exclaimed and he rubbed the wet spot on his shoulder where Alexander’s wet hand was. “Fuck you.”

”You wish.” Alexander scoffed before grabbing his razor. “Now go away so I can finish singing show tunes. Goodbye.” Alexander reached down and grabbed his shaving cream, slathering his right leg with it before beginning to drag the razor up and shave it. He smiled to himself as his chest tightened up and he looked down.

Maybe this trip wouldn’t be as bad as he thought. 

* * *

About a half hour later, they were piling into the car and taking off. Before they actually went anywhere, though, Alexander insisted they stop by Starbucks to get coffee because he couldn't function without it. 

“Couldn’t you just make some from home?” Thomas sighed as they got back into the car and drove off.

”No, I needed it now.”

”Why  _specifically_ from starbucks?” Thomas grumbled under his breath and Alexander whipped his head to the side to glare at him.

”Excuse me-“

Thomas put his hand up to shush him and he huffed “okay, okay, we’ll go. Calm down, coffee hoard.” Thomas rolled his eyes and looked to the side, but Alexander could see the smile that came to his lips afterwards. He felt the heat rising to his cheeks, and he tried his best to ignore it by pressing his cheek to the car window and praying they would chill the fuck out.

Thomas drove the two of them to starbucks, and Alexander left him in the car to pick up his usual coffee, iced black coffee with two pumps of caramel syrup. He also got a chocolate croissant and a chai tea latte for Thomas, wanting to be nice. 

Alexander hopped back into the car, giving Thomas his latte and croissant and he sat close to the car door and took a sip from his coffee.

”Kay, I’m good now, let’s go.”

Thomas smiled and nodded at him as a silent thank you, then started the car again. Alexander leaned his elbow on the side of the car and he looked to the side, catching Thomas in his peripheral vision. He smiled tiredly at the way Thomas tapped his fingers against the steering wheel, he was always energetic in the morning. Thomas was definitely a morning person, he remembered that and he loved it because he wasn’t. 

He thought back to the other times they’d gone to Virginia and how Thomas made him feel better when he was grumpy before their rides there.

* * *

“Alexander, babe, come on!” Thomas yelled from the living room as Alexander rushed around their bedroom making sure he had everything packed for their trip to Virginia. Alexander was grumpy, he was in a bad mood, as he always was when he first woke up. He felt irritation boiling in him and he clenched his fists and zipped his bag as he heard Thomas’ name below through their apartment.

”Thomas fucking Jefferson,” Alexander muttered as he grabbed his bag and headed out of the room, turning the lights off. He stomped to the living room and looked up at Thomas to finish his sentence. “I am up to  _here_ with your-“

”Baby, calm down.” Thomas sighed and he put his hands on Alexander’s arms, rubbing them gently. Alexander tried to pull away to finish his point about being irritated, but Thomas wouldn’t let him. “Put your bag down.” he sighed and Alexander stared at him in confusion and irritation for a few seconds then did as he said. Thomas slowly moved his hands and he stroked Alexander’s hair behind his ear and cupped his cheeks. Alexander felt heat rising to his cheeks, but he chose to ignore it and continue to be annoyed because it was too early for this. 

“You’re just grumpy because it’s the morning, and you’re irritated because you’re tired.” Thomas squished his cheeks and looked him in the eyes. “You’re gonna be fine baby, let’s go pick up your coffee and head out, okay? My parents can wait a little bit.” He offered and Alexander looked to the side, debating it for a bit. He looked back up and Thomas with a pout and he puckered his lips for a kiss. Thomas shook his head and chuckled then leaned down to press a soft kiss to his lips. “Okay.” Alexander whispered and he moved to wrap his arms around Thomas’ waist. 

* * *

Thomas always had his ways to calm Alexander down when they were dating. He would always kiss him or just hold him until he stopped being annoyed or angry. Alexander was a hot head, it was very evident. Alexander missed the way Thomas would hold him until he stopped being angry. He missed Thomas’ arms around him. His eyes trailed up Thomas’ arm that was extended to the wheel and to his face. His beard was freshly shaved and his left hand was stroking his beard. He missed the way his beard scratched his face when they kissed, and his thighs when they-

 _Woah, calm down Alexander,_ he thought to himself. He really wasn’t trying to get a hard on in the car with his ex, who also happened to be his roommate. 

It just then occurred to him that they were still roommates, and he hadn’t even started looking for apartments. Thomas hadn’t asked him to move out, either. They kind of just went with it. Maybe he should start, it didn’t make sense for him to stay in Thomas’ house. He figured that he liked living alone.

”Enjoying the view, darlin’?” Thomas teased, a smirk playing on his lips and Alexander noticed he was still staring and he quickly averted his eyes to look forward.

”You look like Fievel from an American Tail, so no, I’m not.” Alexander scoffed, rubbing his cheek to get them to  _calm the fuck down._

“Aw, but he’s cute.” Thomas laughed and Alexander huffed and crossed his arms.

”And you aren’t.” He mumbled sassily and turned his head to look out of the window. “Now fuck off and let me sleep.”

”If you were going to sleep, why did you buy coffee?” Thomas cocked his head and Alexander groaned and shut his eyes.

”You really think that coffee is going to help me stay awake with the amount that I’ve consumed in the past 6 years?” Alexander pointed out and gave Thomas a look.

”Touché.” Thomas agreed and he turned down the radio. “Sleep, then, darlin’.” 

Alexander felt his heart rate speed up and butterflies immediately started going wild in his stomach.  _Darlin’?_ He assumed that Thomas just called him that to tease, but then he used it seriously. He didn’t know what to think, or how to feel.

This was going to be a long car ride.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey i’m sorry this is so short i literally have lost my touch ode i promise i’m gonna try to get back on track i love y’all


	12. another authors note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :-)

hey guys ! the musical is over and my post production depression is subsiding. i’m working on a new chapter and it should be up very soon! i’m sorry for making y’all wait. the virginia trip chapter is coming up ;)

edit: the chapter is up but for some reason shows up as chapter 11 so GO READ CHAPTER 11 THATS THEM LEAVING FOR VIRGINIA


	14. authors note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> );

BRO I GOT MY FIRST JOB AND WORK IS SO STRESSFUL SO IF UPDATES ARE SLOW IM SOSOSO SORRY I LOVE YOU GUYS

**Author's Note:**

> ilysm thank u for reading leave kudos pls and comment suggestions for new stories!


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